No news is good news, or The Case of the Steaming Eyeballs

As is typical, my positive attitude has waned somewhat over the past week given that there is nothing to do at the moment but wait for the days to tick by. Still no period nor any indications that it's coming, which is a good sign, and the nips are still sore but other than that nothing really to report. Except my eyeballs feel hot today. Is that weird?

On a related note, this whole baby-making prep and implementation time is a great opportunity for me to actually pay attention to what the hell is going on in this body of mine. I have for the most part relied on fairly high energy and a high pain threshold to blow through life with little regard to my poor mortal coil, absent serious, and thankfully thus far temporary, breakdown. I know that this is a luxury that couldn't last forever, but I'm not 30 yet so I probably have a few years of this left. I do very little to abuse my body, too, besides not getting enough sleep all the time and having a fairly stressful job, so I may get extra juvenation brownie points for that. All of that said, I like the fact that I am being forced, or at least strongly encouraged, to actually pay attention to the little things going on with me. There is always the risk of me becoming obsessive with the details, as I can do when something interests me, but in general I think this is a very positive development. The eyeballs for example. Not the most relevant of observations you might say? Fair enough. However, I'm pretty sure that several months ago I wouldn't have noticed, or taken the time to notice, since it didn't hurt, didn't stop me from doing anything, and wasn't a recognizable sign of bad things to come. I still marvel at the fact that I was content to relinquish full control for a very important biological system to chemicals for so long precisely so that I didn't have to think about what my body was up to. I do love schedules! I like that now I've changed my mind. Though I have relinquished a different kind of control - the mental, planning kind - I have faith that ultimately my body will do what it has to do. At least I have faith this week....

In more practical news, we ordered some home pregnancy tests online last night. Only 5 (see, still pretty optimistic, if not completely so). I probably won't test until after next week but we saved a few bucks even with shipping. This will be lifetime pregnancy test #4 for me but the only one where there is a real possibility of a positive. That is if my period doesn't come in the next week of course. Ah, waiting. If only it were what I do best.

Beginning in earnest

It's official - at the risk of providing TMI (though on a blog abut babymaking I feel it's a bit of what the French call "endure ton osti de mal", or you asked for it) we've started trying. Yes officially. Still no period but I had a hunch that I may have ovulated around yesterday so we're giving it a shot. Don't know for sure, obviously, but I just kind of had a hunch and figure it may be those ovary drops working their magic. Something's got to take in sooner than 6 months, right? I expected to get more resistance from Bonzo about my plan since he seemed intent on letting two cycles go by before we started but not a word and I wasn't going to bring it up. Ah, my first official two week wait. Good times.

P + 2 Days

And we're back on the waiting game. Last Saturday was to be the start of my period if I was on a 28 day cycle but no and nothing yesterday or today either, which doesn't surprise me because I don't feel like it's on its way at all. The naturopath was encouraged with my progress when I saw him on Friday and I now have new ovary tuning drops. Oh yes, the herbal wonders he can pull out of his bag never cease. Apparently, he couldn't start me on them before a first period because they wouldn't be very effective but now that things have been "kick started", as he says, this will help to make me regular. He claims that women will often have one ovary that is lazier than the other, which can make cycles of varying lengths since one can be more regular and quicker to ovulate than the other.

I often surprise myself with how trusting and probably uncritical to a fault I am with medical professionals. Not all the time, but often I take what they tell me to without too much fuss. And with pharmaceuticals you have more chance doing internet research about what they will do to you since half the time the herbal remedies are less than descriptive about what they contain. As I write this I think again that I'm kind of nuts for saying ok, but I swallow it all daily. And I wasn't totally uncritical in this case. When Dr. L suggested I take this stuff, I specifically voiced my concerns about taking something else that manages my cycle. After all this trouble, I won't be doing any of that anytime soon. He assured me that this would only assist with what my body wanted to do on its own anyway. It tastes like absolute hell but at P + 2 I may need more assistance. Damned optimism. When you have low expectations you're less likely to be disappointed.