Tick Tock

Still waiting. Ho hum. I keep thinking I feel some period symptoms but they're either something else or my imagination. Then I forget for a few days and go about my regular days. I can't decide what I want to do. The doctor said she would phone if anything unusual showed up in my blood work and I've heard nothing so I assume its all good, which is encouraging in a "no news is good news" kind of way. She also said come back in a month if still no uterine action for the progesterone dose. Before I went in to her, I was pretty adamant that that isn't what I wanted from her at that appointment, but the more I think about it the more that looks like a viable option. What did I say about patience? Yeah. Not much in Bonzette's stomach. I would like to blame it on our fast paced, gimme gimme society but that wouldn't be honest, and if you can't be honest on the faceless internet, where can you be? I like results, damn it, the sooner the better. My mom would say that the universe is trying to teach me some kind of lesson with this waiting game. I really want to chill out and learn it but I also really want a baby. I want to move into this new phase but it isn't up to me. Not the conscious me, anyway. So come on, Uterus Girl. I'll give you a chocolate....

First TTC appointment down

I had my doctor's appointment this afternoon with my GP, Dr. C. I almost chickened out, thinking that I was kind of overreacting given that it's only been 3 months since no-pillness and that I was either going to get the "why do these hypocondriacs keep bothering me" tone or she was going to push some chemical form of period kick-start and send me on my way. Gold star, Dr. C., for doing neither. I played dumb a bit, saying I was there because I hadn't had a period for 3 months and was wondering if that was something to be concerned about. She said that I should have had a period by now but that it wasn't anything to be too worked up about. She asked me how my cycles were before the pill but I really can't remember. I am 99.9% sure that they weren't this irregular because I would have FREAKED OUT as a teenager if I had to wait 3 months for a period, but I can't remember any better details. Dr. C even mentioned the dreaded "post-pill amenorrhea" potential (too bad self-diagnosis in this instance is nothing to be proud of).

In the end she did a pregnancy test on me just to make sure (negative, of course - good thing because I had sushi on Monday without really thinking about it and it was making me slightly nervous) and sent me for some bloodwork. I can't remember all of the things they were checking for (such a newbie!), but I know they are checking for:
1) some follicle stimulation hormone to make sure the ovaries are working a-ok
2) some lutein hormone that makes sure my uterine lining is the cushy home it should be
3) prolactin levels. Apparently, some people have unexplained increased levels of prolactin in their system, which is the hormone that you produce when lactating. If these levels are too high, your body thinks you're breastfeeding and will prevent you from ovulating. Not helpful until after the baby comes, unfortunately.

So the blood's been drawn and Dr. C will call me if anything weird shows up on the bloodwork but I'm to come back if still no period in a month for a 7-day dose of progesterone to get things started. I haven't decided yet what I'll do at that point but there's time. I'd like to see what the blood results are first. Ah, Medicare. And I have a naturopath appointment the first week of May, too, so I'll see what he says about all this.

So much for au naturel

I've broken down and made a doctor's appointment. Still no sign of AF and this Wednesday will be 12 weeks since my last period. Bonzo was encouraging me to see the doctor, which I was resisting on the basis that the whole point of the post-pill phase was to let the body do what it was supposed to do best without intervention. But he's seen my frustration, which has come and gone over the past while, and he doesn't think it's healthy for me to be concerned. Probably true. Plus, and this is what convinced me, while I don't want anything chemical to kick start my cycles at this point, if testing needs to be done then better to get that started now so that the waiting is at least somewhat productive. I'm booked for Wednesday at 3:45. We'll see what she says.

G-N-I-R-O-B

Does it make it any more interesting if I write it backwards? If only I could do upsidedown, too....

Still waiting for normalcy, a little less frustrated-ly this week for some unknown reason. I know that fixating, i.e., worrying is probably pretty unhelpful but that knowledge rarely actually reduces the worried thoughts. I actually thought the wait was going to be over on Monday, so I told Bonzo of my supicions, to which the dear said "good job, baby", as if I have some kind of control over this mess. PSHAW! Alas, no.

In other news, it's almost spring in my hometown. The daffodils and crocuses and Japanese cherry trees are all blooming but it's still been pretty cold. That's ok for me on the one hand because I have pretty robust hay fever and the colder the air the less pollen monsters fly around, but on the other hand I am, as Bonzo likes to say, a sun junkie meaning that I crave the heat. I always say that I was supposed to be born somewhere near the equator rather than in chilly Canada. Ooops. One of my favourite days of the year is that first day you can go out without a jacket on. My birthday is in 3 weeks - maybe it's my lucky year and no-jacket day will be then. More fun to wait for that than feminine ridiculousness.